Still no metal bag exists

I was excited at the possibility of a metal bag that would blow my mind, but to this day no metal bag exists. How is it that we can invent seedless watermelons but not a metal bag? (Or cure cancer?)

In an earlier post, I wrote that I had been told a metal bag did in fact exist and was being used to preserve Subway olives. I contended that having a metal bag was like having a square circle, and that's still the case. I saw the bag this week, as promised, and I'm calling it a heavy, gray plastic. Not metal.

In the face of damning evidence, Subway girl still insists it is metal and we have agreed to disagree. But I'm right. Trust me.

Today - (double) meatball sandwich ... with bacon on top. God damn I'm the man.

My friendship with Barack

Me and Barack (President Obama to you) go back quite a ways - ever since I added him as a myspace and twitter friend a few months ago. I was pretty excited about this friendship, thought maybe I'd get the inside scoop on what's going on in the country. Not so.

He has sent me no messages and has not commented on my page or any of my pictures. Sure, he has a lot of friends and it's probably hard to keep up with everyone, but don't add me if you're not going to put some effort into this relationship. I'm starting to think he'll add just about anyone.

Actually, what disappoints me the most is that there is almost never a bulletin or "tweet" from the guy. I don't care if it's his press secretary doing it and just sending me links to the latest Obama news, I want to stay on top of things. Give me something, man. You're lucky it's too late to take back my vote, because I am absolutely that childish.

I don't want to be a feminist

Occasionally, someone will ask me if I am a feminist. I hate this damn question. I'm forced to say yes, because I know the meaning of the word, but then I have to explain that I don't wear ladies undergarments or shave my legs.

It's a tricky word, and I don't like that. According to dictionary.com, feminism is "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men." Isn't that just not being a sexist? Isn't that just being normal, or rational? Why do we need a word for that? Is there a word for not being racist?

The problem with this word is that it implies that someone is not as much of a man as they should be. Maybe they wear makeup, go shopping or cry and talk about their feelings. I don't want to be a feminist. And if I have to oppose a woman's right to vote to avoid this label, so be it.