Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Football Audibles
Quarterback gets to the line, but he doesn't like the looks of the defense. Not one bit. In fact, they look like they heard the play called in the huddle. Why did I have to talk so loud?
"Red 80! Reeeed 80! Kill kill! Red 80's no good! Forget about Red 80 guys, let's go with something else! That's trouble! Blue 42?! Yeah, Blue 42! Hut!"
Did he save the day or does Blue 42 also not work because the team just sucks in general against any defense?
Friday, September 28, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Lazy Generation of Kids
A welfare complaint in the small town of Squalor, Kentucky led to a discovery of 19 children left home alone with no food in the sweltering heat. Naturally, everyone's first response is to blame heavy metal music. I'm certain Marilyn Manson has a warrant for his arrest, and now the blame has shifted to the parents. But how can we blame the parents? They weren't even there at the time!
This nanny state we live in will not let parents be parents. Granted, 19 kids is at least 19 too many, especially if all 19 plan on eating each day. But I'm assuming the food was gone because they ate it all, and I'm assuming they used up all the air conditioning. That's just supply and demand economics.
It's every person's right to have as many kids as they want. We are a land that celebrates excess - the triple K boob job, the 20-room mansion with golden toilets. It's every bit as admirable and a sign of America's wealth to lose track of how many hungry kids you have. That is what we aspire to; it's the American dream. The government cannot and should not put a limit on our parental freedom. And it's equally unreasonable to expect a parent to be able to feed and cool that many kids. Sounds like the water was working just fine. They did not discover 19 carcasses - no blood, no foul, as I used to say in order to beat people at basketball.
Temperatures reached 101 degrees in the area that day, just a couple over absolutely ideal human temperature. The children had been left alone for a week, so it's their responsibility to ration their food and cool air. Furthermore, they should appreciate the freedom their parents have given them.
The house reportedly had dog feces inside, so the parents were doing their best to entertain their children with a lovable pet who could one day be a nice Thanksgiving meal should times get tough.
By my math, at least one of those kids should be old enough to work and locate food for his siblings. But math was never my strongest area, and apparently the oldest was 14. Still a little young for a job, but you don't need a work permit to panhandle. Nobody would bring in more quarters than a 14-year-old with 18 sweaty brothers and sisters holding spoons behind them. The kids are equally to blame here. If not more so.
This is the entitlement society that the liberal democrats have created. You're alive and unable to fend for yourself cause you're 4? Hey, it's a rough world. You gotta earn what you get. No handouts. It's a valuable lesson that you're not taking advantage of. The shame is that the parents will never shame is that they'll never get a fair trial in this era of 24-hour media that will convict them in the court of public opinion.
This nanny state we live in will not let parents be parents. Granted, 19 kids is at least 19 too many, especially if all 19 plan on eating each day. But I'm assuming the food was gone because they ate it all, and I'm assuming they used up all the air conditioning. That's just supply and demand economics.
It's every person's right to have as many kids as they want. We are a land that celebrates excess - the triple K boob job, the 20-room mansion with golden toilets. It's every bit as admirable and a sign of America's wealth to lose track of how many hungry kids you have. That is what we aspire to; it's the American dream. The government cannot and should not put a limit on our parental freedom. And it's equally unreasonable to expect a parent to be able to feed and cool that many kids. Sounds like the water was working just fine. They did not discover 19 carcasses - no blood, no foul, as I used to say in order to beat people at basketball.
Temperatures reached 101 degrees in the area that day, just a couple over absolutely ideal human temperature. The children had been left alone for a week, so it's their responsibility to ration their food and cool air. Furthermore, they should appreciate the freedom their parents have given them.
The house reportedly had dog feces inside, so the parents were doing their best to entertain their children with a lovable pet who could one day be a nice Thanksgiving meal should times get tough.
By my math, at least one of those kids should be old enough to work and locate food for his siblings. But math was never my strongest area, and apparently the oldest was 14. Still a little young for a job, but you don't need a work permit to panhandle. Nobody would bring in more quarters than a 14-year-old with 18 sweaty brothers and sisters holding spoons behind them. The kids are equally to blame here. If not more so.
This is the entitlement society that the liberal democrats have created. You're alive and unable to fend for yourself cause you're 4? Hey, it's a rough world. You gotta earn what you get. No handouts. It's a valuable lesson that you're not taking advantage of. The shame is that the parents will never shame is that they'll never get a fair trial in this era of 24-hour media that will convict them in the court of public opinion.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Never tried hard drugs, but I'm now addicted to caffeine. There's really no rehab program for people like me. They did not allow me to speak at the AA meeting, although I was allowed unlimited coffee. I like it strong; strong enough that I'll feel the rage to rip a man apart. Not strong enough that I'll do it, of course. Not that strong. I'm no psycho. But strong enough that I'll think about it. Not bath salt strong, but maybe sink salt. Not Parkinson's strong, but maybe Parkinson's son strong.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Name Change!
Thinking about changing my name, or at least the spelling. I realize that spelling Gilmour with an O-U-R is less popular than an O-R-E. I don't blame people for getting it wrong on the first try, like when I "accidentally" spell DwaYne Wade's name with the Y in the proper location. But pay the fuck attention when I spell it to you because I'm doing that for a reason. Here's how most business, account, transaction-y conversations usually go if somebody has to look me up:
Customer Service: What's your last name?
Me: Gilmour. G-I-L-M-O-U-R.
Customer Service: Hmmmm.....
Customer Service: Is it under Thomas?
Me: No, Tim is not short for Thomas. G-I-L-M-O-U-R.
Customer Service: Are there two L's??
Me: Nope.
Customer Service: G-I-L-M-O-R-E??
Me: Would you like me to spell it a third time?
Customer Service: What's your last name?
Me: Gilmour. G-I-L-M-O-U-R.
Customer Service: Hmmmm.....
Customer Service: Is it under Thomas?
Me: No, Tim is not short for Thomas. G-I-L-M-O-U-R.
Customer Service: Are there two L's??
Me: Nope.
Customer Service: G-I-L-M-O-R-E??
Me: Would you like me to spell it a third time?
Sunday, June 3, 2012
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